Effects of Parental
Divorce on Adult Relationships
Warren Bowles III
Abstract
The increasing prevalence of
divorce in this country has become a major concern for social scientists. This
study attempted to determine what ramifications this trend might have
regarding trust for adult children of divorce. A modified version of the
Dyadic Trust Scale, originally designed by Larzelere and Huston (1980), asked
questions regarding attitudes concerning the probability participants will
experience successful relationships or marriage. Other specific questions were
included in this study to evaluate the levels of trust between adults whose
parents had divorced during childhood and adults from intact families. Survey
questions measured attitudes concerning trust in friends, parents, and
relationship partners. The results were evaluated to determine if parental
divorce had impact on trust in adult relationships. The research showed that
participants from divorced families indicated greater fear of being hurt
and/or rejected (p = .04). Results also showed that participants in the study
who were from divorced backgrounds had less trust towards a variety of
intimate relationships.
The
increasing prevalence of divorce rates in this country has become a major
concern for social scientists. As the divorce rate has reached near 50% in the
United States, according to the U.S. Census Bureau (2002), many researchers
have begun to consider the consequences of this trend for future generations.
Researchers of children of divorce are beginning to examine the far reaching
and unexpected legacy of divorce in our society. Since there is conflicting
data in current research regarding relationships of parents and children of
divorce, hopefully, this study may help indicate how levels of trust are
generalized towards parents and other intimate relationships.
A wide array of
emergent problems has been observed in children of divorce. According to many
psychological studies, such as those of Zill (1993) and Pfiffner, McBurnett
and Lahey, et. al. (1999); children from divorced families have higher
incidents of behavioral and learning disorders due to factors such as a lack
of parental presence, discipline, and guidance during key developmental stages
in life. From a sociological perspective, this may also be in part due to
lower education and SES, which limits educational and other financial
resources. Children from divorced households have also been found to have poor
interaction with their fathers and mothers (Zill, 1993). Family interaction,
as a whole, may suffer a permanent deficit of communication, as one parent
have to make providing for the family a priority over family interaction.
Children who
grow up in divorced homes typically have less contact with the non-custodial
parent and as time goes on the parent child-relationship seems to further
deteriorate. This leaves a gap in the parental model that serves as the
�relationship template� for all future relationships in life. As these
children of divorce reach adulthood they have been shown to have problems with
psychological well-being and relationships (Franklin, Janoff-Bullman, &
Roberts, 1990). Other studies have shown that children who grew up in
households with high parental conflict were more likely to perceive their own
relationships as being in trouble; a strong explanation for this may be
parental modeling (Johnston & Thomas, 1996).
Parent-Child Relationships
Many
psychological theories related to parental modeling such as those set forward
by Albert Bandura, (1963, 1977) suggest that parents tend to model nearly all
behaviors for their children. Feelings of apprehension towards marriage are
due, at least in part, to witnessing parental divorce and remembering the pain
that it caused (Johnston & Thomas, 1996). According to the modeling theory, it
seems feasible that attitudes of distrust or resentment divorcing parents
experience may be transmitted to children and could carry into adulthood.
A positive
relationship with one parent has been found to have contributed in a negative
fashion to the relationship with the other parent after separation (Hoffman &
Ledford, 1995). This may be partially due to one or both parents� tendency to
portray the opposite parent in a negative light. Children may also feel
compelled to choose sides during an internal family conflict, while the amount
of time spent with one parent has also been shown to contribute in a negative
fashion to the relationship with the other parent after separation (Hoffman &
Ledford, 1995).
Studies by
Zill (1993) and Wallerstein (1997) indicate that, as children, people from
divorced parent homes tended to show feelings towards their parents that are
more passionate than those of their peers in intact families. These attitudes
could be attributed to an increased fear of abandonment and loss caused by
parental divorce, which is compensated by increased attachment to the
remaining parent or primary custodian. These �passionate feelings� could
likely take the form of anger or increased resentment towards the absent
parent as well.
Fathers
Most
psychologists will agree that a father is important for the child�s
development to instill discipline and other social skills. However, research
that evaluated children of divorce showed a more positive relationship with
mothers than with their father; in fact, research suggests that often the
relationship with the father is endangered (Van Schaick & Stolberg, 2001).
Children of divorce also reported less attachment to their fathers and rated
them as less caring (Tayler, Parker & Roy, 1995). This can be expected when
considering that 89.4% of cases end with physical custody of children being
award to the mother (Maccoby & Mnookin, 1992).
There are
important established gender differences in post divorce environments of
children that may explain the differential effects of parental divorce on
women and men. Children�s contact with their fathers after divorce is limited,
and, consequently, girls and boys have quite different exposure to same-gender
modeling and role identification after divorce (Behrens, Sanders, & Halford,
1999).
Fathers�
problematic behavior, and/or their perceived lack of effort, characterized
most stories of disengagement. Children who reported difficulties with fathers
during the marriage or who had little memory of their father were particularly
vulnerable. Some young adults reported relationships with fathers that had
faded or disengaged, not because of fathers� problem behavior or lack of
effort, but because fathers had moved away (Arditti & Prouty, 1999). This
evidence may suggest that parental involvement may be a more significant
factor on the attitudes children develop towards their parents after divorce
than divorce alone.
Mothers
At the same time, too much
parental involvement may be psychologically unhealthy. Some researchers have
reported that male children become �surrogate spouses� to their mothers,
forming unhealthy and dependant relationships of intergenerational enmeshment
in the absence of the father. The son too often gets turned into his mother�s
confidant, protector, and help-mate. When the mother and son are too involved
with and dependent on each other, it is difficult, if not impossible, for the
father and son to remain close (Wallerstein 1991; Warshak, 1992)
Children may
be more likely to develop similar problems involving intimacy and
relationships modeled through the single mother. Sadly, too many of these sons
and daughters end up having trouble dating, establishing intimate
relationships, or feeling comfortable with their own sexuality (Nielsen,
1999). Evidence tends to strongly support that parental divorce significantly
affects the importance of specific relationship ideals such as affection,
passion, and independence (Conway, Christensen, & Herlihy; 2003).
Sons & Daughters
The son is
more likely than the daughter to hear hostile, derogatory, comments about his
father from his mother- which in turn, often weakens the bond between father
and son (Wallerstein 1991; Warshak, 1992). �This in turn can cause harm to the
sons gender identification and self esteem� rarely does a boy hold a negative
opinion of his father without holding the same opinion of himself� (Warshak,
1992 p.163 &167).
In
relationships, men were more likely to withdraw from involvement. A
significant number of men avoided relationships altogether. The general
overtone for the males was �any relationship I�m in will dissolve� (Wallerstein
& Lewis, 2004).
Daughters of
divorced parents, on the other hand, have been shown to deal with the absence
of a father figure by searching for male companions; they have been shown to
exhibit higher levels of promiscuity and have more relationships than males
from divorced families. Reduced paternal contact is one of the strongest
protracted effects of parental divorce during childhood, especially for
daughters (Cooney, 1994).
Long-Term Impact of Divorce
Researchers of
children of divorce are beginning to examine the far reaching legacy of
divorce in our society. Parental divorce impacts detrimentally on the capacity
to love and be loved within a lasting, committed relationship (Wallerstein &
Lewis, 2004). Literature regarding the long term effects of divorce on adult
children shows that there is a lower sense of well-being and overall quality
of life as well as relationship problems for those who experience the divorce
of their parents as children (Christensen & Brooks, 2001). Many researchers in
the field of marriage and family counseling have found that adults raised in
divorced families suffer from a deficit in social skills and had special
problems in handling conflicts within their own marriage (Amato, 2000).
According to Zill,
Morrison and Coiro (1993), children from divorced families have a higher
incident of emotional distress or problem behaviors. It is difficult to
determine if this was because of stress placed on the family unit during
divorce, distraction from academic school work, or lack of attention and
parental involvement was the basis of these disorders.
Evidence is
present to demonstrate children who were younger at the time of their parents�
divorce or from families with higher parental conflict were more likely to
score lower on measurements of trust and to have high marital conflict
themselves (Westervelt & Vandenberg, 1997). Childhood is a key developmental
period, thus when parents divorce early in a child�s life the child is likely
to miss out on important development models. Furthermore, the younger a child
was at the time of his or her parents� divorce, the more vulnerable a child
may be to form distorted beliefs about the nature of his or her parent�s
divorce. Many children may tend to manifest feelings of guilt and
responsibility for the absence of a parent due to divorce.
Effects on Adult Relationships
Many studies
show that family conflict was typically a strong precursor to divorce and lead
children from divorced families to rate their relationships as having greater
family conflict. Those from intact families reported more cohesion,
expressiveness, sociability, and idealization and less conflict than those
from divorced families. However, coming from a divorced family did not affect
young adults� self esteem, fear of intimacy, or relationship satisfaction, but
it did affect fears and expectations for divorce (Kirk, 2002).
In-depth
studies strongly indicate that the attitudes surrounding marriage and success
in marriage is transmitted between generations in divorced families. Men and
women from divorced families tend to score significantly lower on several
measures of psychological well-being and more likely to be divorced themselves
(Franklin, Janoff-Bulman, & Roberts; 1990). This trend has the potential to
have social impact on our culture because the evidence suggests that adult
children of divorce have relationship problems that lead to divorce in their
marriages as well, which could lead to a perpetual cycle of this phenomenon.
Perhaps the
greatest problem associated with divorce is that it does appear to be a
cyclical phenomenon. An estimated 40% to 50% of children born in the U.S. in
the 1980�s experienced parental divorce (Fine, Moreland, & Schwebel, 1983).
Women who experience parental divorce have a 60% higher divorce rate than
their counterparts; while men whose parents divorced have a 35% higher rate of
divorce than men whose parents remained married (Glen & Shelton, 1983). It
seems clear that people from divorced families are more likely to be divorced
themselves and therefore convey the impression that marital dissolution is
more acceptable. Amato (1987) states that adult children of divorce feel more
pessimistic about their chances of life-long marriage and evaluate divorce
less negatively than do other young adults.
Students
experiencing post-divorce conflict were more likely to have engaged in
premarital sexual intercourse, their satisfaction with their current
relationship was lower, and they showed a decline in the parent-child
relationship. These adult children of divorce also expressed more difficulty
in finding people with whom they could establish relationships (Morris & West,
2001).
Judith
Wallerstein (2004) has been one of the leading researchers on the phenomenon
of divorce and its impact on adult relationships. Her 25 year longevity study
seems to strongly indicate that the attitudes surrounding marriage and success
in marriage is transmitted between generations in divorced families.
Interestingly, individuals from the Wallerstein study did not indicate
feelings of fear of having successful relationships, but felt less optimistic
about their chances of having a successful marriage. This study was one of the
most in-depth studies ever conducted on adult children of divorce, and
illustrates how adult children of divorce have been impacted by the choices of
their parents.
Method
Participants
The sample
consisted of 206 participants, 89 males and 117 females. Of this total, 93
(45%) of the participants were rated as currently being involved in a
relationship with a partner (68 females and 46 males). There were 113 (55%)
participants that indicated they were not in partner relationship at
the time of this study. There were a total of 135 (66.5%) participants from
non-divorced family background and 71 (33.5%) participants with divorced
parental background. This was very reflective of research that states only
about one third of adults from divorced families go on to attend college
compared to individuals from two parent homes (Conway, Christensen, & Herlihy,
2003)
The mean age
for participants was 20.44 years old. Custodial guardian break down for
divorced family participants is as followed; 70% (50) of the divorced family
participants lived with their mother, 15% (11) lived with their father, 11%
(8) indicated their parents shared joint custody, while only 2% (2) marked
some other custody arrangement.
All
participants were chosen by randomized availability sampling. Surveys were
distributed to various college classes comprised predominately of two or three
introductory social sciences classes at a small private Midwestern college.
Materials
The survey
used for this study was a modified version of the �Dyadic Trust Scale�
originally designed by Lazerlere and Huston (1980) This scale has been found
to have high reliability when measuring associations to love, self-disclosure
and relationship status.
The entire
survey was approximately 47 total questions, 4 of which were basic control
questions at the end regarding age, race, and gender. The last question was an
open ended question that asked how parental divorce had affected the life of
participants. This question sought to cover any aspects of the study that may
have been overlooked.
The survey
took only about 15 minutes to complete, and was easily comprehensible, since
most questions were the same dyadic trust questionnaire. But the object of the
statement was changed (partner, best friend, parent/s). All other questions
were also based on a 5 point Likert scale.
The scale
was used in its original format to measure attitudes towards relationships and
then subsequently altered by substituting the word �partner� with the words
�best friend� and �parent/s� to measure trust to various intimate
relationships. These three scales, called the Dyadic Partner scale, the Dyadic
Friendship scale and the Dyadic Parent scale were repeated 3 times with the
interchanging of the words to measure the same construct of trust as it
related to different intimate relationships that were estimated to possibly
have been influenced through parental divorce.
The dyadic
trust survey was originally measured on a 7 point Likert scale, however, for
the purpose of this study the scale was shortened down to a 5 point Likert
scale rating system. Answers ranged from never, almost never, occasionally,
almost always to always (See Appendix A). The difference between this study
and previous studies conducted by researchers such as Wallerstein and her
peers was that this study sought to examine the level of trust across various
intimate relationships including best friend, and parents, instead of just
relationship partners. This study intended to determine how much the effects
of parental divorce altered trust in other close relationships. However,
despite the overwhelming evidence that parental divorce is detrimental to
relationships, many studies seem to indicate that trust and negative attitudes
in relationships were not evident until subjects were themselves in a marriage
(Wallerstein & Lewis, 2004).
Some
questions were specifically designed to measure perceived relationships
expectations such as, �How likely are you to have a successful marriage?� and
�How likely are you to have a successful relationship?� These attitudes have
been consistently documented by Christensen and Brooks, (2001); Franklin,
Janoff-Bulman, and Roberts (1990); and Wallerstein and Lewis (2004) to show
adult children of divorce do not show significant doubt about the ability to
have successful relationships but instead these feelings manifest when the
relationship involves marriage. These questions were an attempt to gain
insight into beliefs relating to interpersonal relationships
�I fear not
ever being in a relationship� is a key concept to the study by Judith
Wallerstein, as this statement is the repeated theme or attitude that tends to
reflect the overall beliefs of female participants in the Wallerstein study
group. Literature also strongly implied that adult children of divorce felt a
strong desire for relationships.
The
questions pertaining to �Fear of being hurt/rejected keeps me from
relationships�, were added to test for significant difference between people
from divorced families and intact family counterparts with respect to
relationship aversion; since literature strongly supports that adult children
of divorce suffer a fear of being hurt and rejected in romantic relationships
according to Franklin, Janoff-Bulman, and Roberts, (1990).
Hypothesis
The
researcher hypothesized that adult children of divorce would have less trust
in their close intimate relationships than their intact family counterparts.
Hence, if an individual�s parents were divorced then he or she would have less
perceived trust towards relationship partners.
This is
believed to be the result of having dysfunctional relationship examples set
for them. Adult children of divorce, according to available literature,
generally seem have lower optimism about having successful relationships and
also tend to be more likely to divorce. Parental divorce, for many
individuals, still has lingering effect in adulthood that adversely affects
opposite sex relationships.
This
researcher hypothesized that one of the effects on individuals from parentally
divorce families would be decreased trust towards biological parents, who may
be seen as responsible for driving one parent away or disrupting the family
unit as a whole.
As discussed
earlier, many children grow up with an overall feeling of resentment and anger
towards one or both parents because of divorce. Divorce often means added
responsibility for children, especially if one parent becomes absent in their
life. Parents themselves are often bitter towards the opposite parent and too
often they discuss these matters to their children who internalize or identify
with the transmission of negativity; thus they come to grow closer to the
custodial parent, even united in their resentment and anger towards the absent
parent.
The
experimenter also suspected that gender factors could have some influence on
trust regarding parents. Males and females may have different levels of trust
towards parental figures because people tend to identify stronger with the
parent of the same sex as the primary gender role model throughout life.
Because of this fact, the researcher chose to look at how sons and daughters
of divorce differed in their attitudes towards parental trust.
It was
believed levels of overall trust toward an individual�s best friend would be
lower for participants who were from divorced family backgrounds than
individuals who were raised in intact families. Due to the idea that children
learn most relationships from their parental models, when the relationship
ends between a child�s parents they may come to believe that relationships are
unstable and thus be apprehensive of relationships even in friendships.
The final
hypothesis was that individuals from divorced families would feel that they
were less likely to have a successful marriage more than a just a successful
relationship. It was believed that they would rate higher on scales such as,
�Fear of being hurt and rejected� and �Fear of being hurt rejected keeps me
from relationships�. A comparison between �How likely are you to have a
successful relationship?� and �How likely are you to have a successful
marriage?� might help to further validate previous research that stated adult
children of divorce do not show significant doubt about the ability to have
successful relationships, but instead these feelings manifest primarily when
the relationship involves marriage.
Results
Adult children of
divorce, in fact, showed significantly less trust in all three relationship
measures. Results for the dyadic partner scale ranged from 8 to 30 (Refer to
Table 1). On this scale, participants showed an average lower rating of
generalized trust towards their partners of 1.28; with females from divorced
families rating the least amount of trust at 1.35 regarding their partners,
while males from divorced families rating an average of 1.14 less than their
intact family partners. These measurements were shown to be significant at the
.016 significance level. (See Table 2)
Table 2. ANOVA
Dyadic Partner Scale and gender
Parents divorced
Female Mean N
No 24.91 45
Yes
23.56 23
Male Mean N
No 25.67 31
Yes
24.53 15
Total Mean N
No 25.22 76
Yes 23.94 38
(f= .015, p= .016) Divorce vs. Non-divorced
participants
The Dyadic Parent scale ranged from 11 to 28 (Refer
to Table 1) and was shown to be significant as well (f= .015, p=.043). Females
from divorced backgrounds indicated nearly a 1.88 point scale decrease in
their perceived trust regarding their parents than intact their family
counterparts. Males from divorced background showed a decrease in trust
towards their parents of 3.79 when compared to males from intact families.
Overall, people from divorced families show a 2.6 point decrease in trust in
relation to generalized trust in their parents (See
Table 3).
Table 3. ANOVA
Dyadic Parent Scale and gender
Parents divorced
Female Mean N
No 22.14 72
Yes
20.26 45
Male Mean N
No 22.66 117
Yes
18.87 65
Total Mean N
No 22.38 137
Yes 19.78 69
(f= .206, p = .043) Divorced vs. Non-divorced
participants
The dyadic friendship scale was also significant in
regard to effect of divorce on relationships with friends. Scores ranged form
13 to 28 (Refer to Table 1) for the scale. Females from divorced families
showed only a small (.10) reduction in trust levels towards their friends when
weighed against females from intact families, while males from divorced
families showed a much greater (1.51) decrease in trust levels when compared
to males from intact families. As a whole, participants from divorced families
showed an average decrease of .49 towards their friend over participants from
intact family backgrounds. This was still significant at the .012 level (See
Table 4).
Table 4. ANOVA
Dyadic Friendship Scale and gender
Parents divorced
Female
Mean N
No
22.58 72
Yes
22.48 45
Male
Mean N
No
21.80 65
Yes
20.29 24
Total
Mean N
No
22.21 137
Yes
21.72 69
(f= 1.28, p = .012)
Divorced vs. Non-divorced participants
The researcher was not correct in
hypothesizing that participants from divorced backgrounds would estimate their
chances of having a successful marriage to be lower than the chance of having
a successful relationship. It was found that individuals from divorced parent
families felt less likelihood of having a successful relationship by
indicating an overall mean score of 2.94 compared to intact family
participants who scored an average mean of 3.00. When comparing likelihood of
having a successful marriage divorced participant rated a mean of 3.09 while
their intact family counterparts rated their likelihood of having a successful
relationship with a mean of 3.22, thus being slightly higher than that of
divorced background, though this was not found to be significant. In reality,
participants from both groups estimated their chance of having a successful
marriage to be greater than having a successful relationship.
Using the variable �I have fear of being hurt or
rejected� (See Table 5) was shown to be significant between participants from
divorced and non-divorced backgrounds. This helps support previous research
that suggest adult children of divorce had a significantly higher fear of
being hurt or rejected (p=.016) than adults from intact family backgrounds.
This is not a surprising statistic considering the previous literature seems
to resonate with this underlying theme from individuals that come from
divorced backgrounds. An ANOVA was then used to display gender differences
between participants. Females from both divorced and non-divorced families
showed increased fear of being hurt or rejected.
Table 5. ANOVA
�I have fear of being hurt / rejected�
Parents Divorced
Female
Mean N
No
1.70
72
Yes
2.44
45
Male
Mean N
No
1.49 65
Yes
1.25 24
Total
Mean N
No
1.61* 137
Yes
2.03* 69
(f= .255, p = .016) Sig. for Divorced vs.
Non-Divorced family participants
However, the variable �Fear of being hurt /
rejected keeps me from relationships� was not significantly different between
the groups. These questions seem to point out that the fear of hurt and
rejection alone did not keep adult children of divorce from relationships. It
is the researcher�s opinion that this relates to previous research that
explains individuals from divorced backgrounds do not have fear manifesting in
relationships as much as in marriage. It is also the researcher�s speculation
that parental modeling has played a part more so than the emotions of fear and
rejection when it comes to the avoidance of relationships.
Discussion
The study showed significant differences on the levels of trust
adult children of divorce feel across a variety of intimate relationships.
However, problems with this study are that it is not generalizable to the
greater population given the small sample size. The participant group was
largely homogeneous, consisting of 93% Caucasians, only 5% African Americans
and 3% Hispanic population.
The survey was also given at a private college in the Midwest,
where attitudes may be more conservative in regard to religious and cultural
values. This is also a cross sectional study that cannot give the depth or
show causation of the responses from individuals like a longitudinal study
could provide. There is no way to definitively illustrate the causation of
attitudes regarding participants� levels of trust. There may be other spurious
factors that could have influenced trust levels of specific relationships.
Implications
After the
careful evaluation of the research data gathered, the assessment concluded
that divorce definitely seemed to have detrimental effects on the attitudes
involving most intimate relationships in a young person�s life. This appears
to be the result of the parental patterns exhibited by the first and most
important models children have in their life. When these models end their own
relationships, the child likely internalizes this and feels an emotional
reaction that is powerful. This message seems to be �I cannot trust others� or
�relationships do not last�. When one parent is absent in a child�s life, as
is often the case, or the way a children often perceives it to be, it may be
hard for a child to accept any logical explanation for that absence.
It is
difficult to establish etiology from this study, but the impact was the same,
whether the environment was marked by high pre-divorce or post-divorce
conflict or lack of parental presence, children from divorce grew up with
feelings that resonate throughout their lives. The result is they feel less
generalized trust towards others and they feel more fear of rejection.
This is not
to say that these people are doomed or destined to be victims of their
parents� decisions. However, these adult children of divorce may need
counseling to deal with parental issues and relationship issues, should
problems with trust arise.
This study
should have special implications for counselors. Transference issues may
become more prevalent in a counseling relationship with the therapist who is
working with clients from divorced backgrounds. The therapist may have to work
longer on establishing rapport with clients from divorced backgrounds because
they have more difficulty with trust. In fact, many times it has been reported
that clients from divorced families tend to look for reasons to dissolve the
therapeutic relationship once good rapport has been established because they
have the attitude that they must escape or leave the relationship before the
therapist leaves them (Wallerstein & Lewis, 2004).
It is important to note that in this research, females were found to have more
fear of being hurt or rejected. Males, on the other hand, were found to have
less generalized trust in relationships. Counselors may want to focus in on
these specific areas of difference when working with adult children of
divorce. For example, a counselor may focus on helping males trust others and
focus on stability or intimacy with females. Counselors must attempt to
explore the areas that clients value within relationships and be cognizant
that adult children of divorce have likely missed out on some of this in their
childhood because of parental divorce. To keep these issues from manifesting
within relationships, counselors may want to explore relationship expectations
and implement strategies to facilitate open communication in relationships.
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Appendix A. - Dyadic Trust Scale
1) �My
partner is primarily interested in his/her own welfare.�
2) �There
are times when my partner cannot be trusted.�
3) �My
partner is perfectly honest and truthful with me.�
4) �I feel
that I can trust my partner completely.�
5) �My
partner is truly sincere in his / her promises.�
6) �I feel
that my partner does not show me enough consideration.�
7) �My
partner treats me unfairly and unjustly.�
8) �I feel that my partner can be counted on to help me.�
